Attachment and Relationships
Early bonds with caregivers shape how we relate to others throughout life. Psychological support can help you understand these patterns and build the connections you want.
UNDERSTANDING ATTACHMENT
Why relationships can feel so hard.
Attachment theory describes how early bonds with caregivers shape our internal models of relationships, including how safe we feel with others, how we manage closeness and distance, and how we respond to conflict or disconnection. These patterns are built early and can persist throughout life, often outside of conscious awareness.
Difficulties in relationships may show up as fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting others, a tendency to become overwhelmed in closeness, or a pattern of choosing relationships that feel familiar but not fulfilling. These patterns are not flaws in character. They are adaptations that once made sense and can be changed with the right support.
Our psychologists draw on attachment-informed, psychodynamic, and schema approaches alongside evidence-based frameworks. Individual therapy and couples counselling are both available depending on your situation and goals.
COMMON SIGNS OF ATTACHMENT DIFFICULTIES
Fear of abandonment or rejection in close relationships
Difficulty trusting others, even when trust has been earned
Becoming overwhelmed or shutting down in moments of closeness
A pattern of choosing relationships that feel familiar but not fulfilling
Excessive reassurance-seeking from partners or friends
Difficulty expressing needs or setting boundaries without guilt
Feeling responsible for others' emotions or trying to manage them
A sense of being fundamentally unlovable or not enough
ATTACHMENT STYLES
Understanding your relational patterns.
Attachment styles are not fixed categories, but they help us understand the patterns of relating that developed in early life and continue to influence adult relationships.
Anxious attachment
Characterised by worry about the availability and responsiveness of important others. May involve hypervigilance to signs of rejection, reassurance-seeking, and difficulty self-soothing.
Avoidant attachment
Characterised by discomfort with closeness and reliance on others. May involve emotional self-sufficiency, minimising the importance of relationships, and withdrawing under stress.
Disorganised attachment
Often associated with early experiences of fear or unpredictability. May involve a push-pull dynamic in relationships, difficulty regulating emotions, and conflicting impulses toward closeness and distance.
Working on your relationship as a couple?
Our couples counselling service uses the Gottman Method to help partners understand each other's relational patterns and build stronger connection.
OUR PSYCHOLOGISTS
Experienced in attachment and relational work.
Lucy Adlard
Psychologist
Lucy has a particular interest in attachment and relational difficulties, working with both individuals and couples. She uses attachment-informed, schema, and Gottman Method frameworks to help clients understand their relational patterns and build more secure, satisfying connections.
View full profile
Avi Winner
Psychologist
Avi works with attachment-related difficulties from a psychodynamic and schema-informed perspective. He is known for his warmth and his ability to help clients feel genuinely understood, which itself becomes part of the therapeutic process.
View full profile
Rivkah Bendet
Psychologist
Rivkah works with relational and attachment difficulties using a warm, client-centred approach. She draws on schema therapy and CBT to help clients understand the origins of relational patterns and build healthier, more secure connections.
View full profile
Bridget Kosmas
Provisional Psychologist
Bridget works with attachment difficulties and relational trauma using a collaborative, integrative approach. She draws on CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based frameworks to help clients develop insight into relational patterns and build greater security and self-compassion.
View full profile
Claudia Hounslow
Director & Psychologist
Claudia brings extensive experience in schema therapy and interpersonal dynamics to attachment and relationship work. Her neuropsychological background informs her understanding of how early relational experiences shape patterns in adulthood, and her work supports clients in building more secure, fulfilling connections.
View full profile
David Bokan
Psychologist
David works with attachment and interpersonal difficulties through a trauma-informed, emotionally attuned lens. He helps clients understand relational patterns and develop healthier, more satisfying connections, drawing on CBT, DBT, and mindfulness-based approaches.
View full profileFREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Common questions about attachment and relationship work.
No. This is individual therapy focused on your own relational patterns, which you can do whether or not you are currently in a relationship. We also offer couples counselling as a separate service if you and a partner want to attend together.
Only as much as is useful to you. Attachment work often involves understanding where a pattern originated, but the pace and the depth are set collaboratively. Some people find the history clarifying, others prefer to focus on present relationships, and both are legitimate ways to work.
No. You can book directly with any of our psychologists without a GP referral. A referral is only needed if you want to claim the Medicare rebate, which requires a Mental Health Care Plan prepared by your GP. Appointments are available in person at our St Kilda clinic and by telehealth across Australia.
Sessions with our registered psychologists are $260.30 before 4pm and $270.45 from 4pm, sessions with our director Claudia Hounslow are $290 before 4pm and $300 from 4pm, and sessions with Bridget Kosmas, our provisional psychologist, are $100 before 4pm and $110 from 4pm. With a valid Mental Health Care Plan from your GP you can claim a Medicare rebate of $101.55 per session for up to 10 sessions per calendar year. The rebate is processed on the spot, so you pay the gap only. Medicare rebates apply to registered psychologists only, not to provisional psychologists.
Lucy Adlard, Avi Winner, Rivkah Bendet, Bridget Kosmas, Claudia Hounslow and David Bokan work with attachment and relationship patterns at our St Kilda clinic. You can read each of their profiles on our team page, or use our matching questionnaire if you would like help choosing.
Relationships can change.
Whether you are working through patterns in individual therapy or alongside a partner, our psychologists can help. No referral required.
FROM THE BLOG